stress-live it up

Hey people, I've relocated.

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 03:22:35 GMT

Heyys...

I have recently changed my blog.

do relink me.
http://starsnbubbles.blogspot.com/

Not that this one will be chucked out. It's just that my sister helped me set one up,
so yea. This might have a couple of updates every now and then. But not so soon....

Best Wishes, hugs, and kisses. (:

-sArAh-

blue angel

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:04:49 GMT

The blue angel sat-
Alone.
The blue angel shed grey tears.
Tears fell like raindrops.

Drops of acid that smothered the grass.
Is she the angel of life?
or the angel that takes life?
Is she the angel that wipes away tears
or the angel that brings fear.

Fear is not a feeling.
It is an object;kept in a box.
Boxes of fear and sadness, fear and sadness and fear.
My memories are on this shelf together with my happiness.

Come with me loneliness.
I shall be your one and only friend.
Together we will brave knives and stones.
Words will not hurt me.
But I know you will.

- This girl shed blood for tears. Waiting in vain.
She got stood up once again.

My thoughts on life

Sat, 19 May 2007 14:52:38 GMT

I've been facing a couple of downs in my roller-coaster, drama queen life.
Once again i'm faced with this "you-sure-as-hell-don't-want-to-be-me" attitude.

I was looking at myself in the mirror -
and i thought of this poem.Enjoy.

The Doormat

I looked at the sky,
but all i saw was ceiling.
I looked at the people around me,
only to see ice.
I welcomed the friends and foes,
only to be stepped upon.
trampled and deserted, i lay alone
determined to stand up again.
Building a fence around war torn grounds,
my sweet cottage,shrouded in clouds of pain
I could be useful, if only i could try harder.
I could be loved, if only you allow me to.
I could be more...
But, a doormat, will always be a doormat.

Basically i've been feeling as though everyone has deserted me.
There seems to be this invisible wall between ME and THEM.
Where i come from,like starvation in third world countries,
hypocrisy is rife.Politics can kill you. Even if you're only at school.

Teachers do it to students, students do it to their friends.
Boyfriends hurt their girlfriends, Girlfriends hurt their boyfriends.
Husbands hurt their wives and vice versa.
Siblings hurt each other.
This list goes on.
But what are we doing all these for ?
Does hurting someone to better yourself/cover your ass/save your skin
make you feel better at the end of the night ??
Does it ??? Search yourselves.

I think life is an irony. Take animal activists. - they garner support to save animals.but their morality is questioned: imagine telling a dying man that we can't save you because of animal rights. [i.e. the rights of a lab mouse is greater than yours.]

Another example would be when people hurt you, you build up a wall around yourself to prevent yourself from getting hurt. But everyone complains that you're cold and distant. Isn't it ironic that you've become like one of those who've hurt you in the first place?Worse still, they complain that it's your fault that they can't reach out to you because of your stupid wall.
But i always thought that friends would reach out to you even if it was the universe that seperated them? [much less a meagre wall]
But i guess my friends, that is the irony of life.
Live and let live.

Just my thoughts for the day. No offence to anyone in particular. Thanks Azri for inspiring me to write this article/post.

Right now, the person i need most, isn't next to me. But i really hope that he will understand why i do the things i do. It's difficult to be independent,strong and weak all at the same time. It's too many opposites.People expect me not to "bully" him. But we need to understand that i'm trying to keep it out of school. But i suppose no one understands. I'm glad this term is over, I'm glad i don't have to go to school. But i'm going to miss him for the next one week where i don't get to see him.

I guess, once again no one understands how misunderstood i feel, how left out i feel.

- sArAh - blogged cause she didn't know who to turn to
Once again, this angel shed blood for tears.

Moody monster made me eat me.

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 14:32:33 GMT

I'm not really in the mood to talk about my life.
My poem, my thoughts. - Enjoy.

consumed by thoughts, i sat by the window.
The trees moved past me, one after the other.
Are they moving? Or is it me ?
The cat leaped off the wall,
landing all four paws steadily on the ground.

The kite flies higher with each turn.
But it will never come back down, will it?
It will fly off, won't it ?
My independence is gone with the wind.
The cat is caught in the running reel.

His independence has been tampered with.
His temprement has been meddled with.
He writhes on the ground in blood.
The glass laced string cuts him.
He cries a tear, but no one hears him.

Do you? His pain is calling out to you.
Do you hear it? Do you feel it?
His feline friend approaches.
She licks his wounds of blood.
She is forced away from him.

She wants to get close,
but the wiry fingers are closing down around her neck.
The last thing she sees is the darkness that envelopes her.
They are seperated.
The men in white, the women in white are the last things she'll ever see.

They will meet again.
Soon enough, when the glass strings unwind,
when the time turns back.
Everything will be as it once was.
Only to begin, all over, again.

- sArAh - this girl,shed blood for tears.
devoid of life and feeling.

My quick hospitable update

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 03:16:44 GMT

I really owe my classmates...Melody, Kah Shing, Azri, Candy, Jamie, Jieying, Meizhen, Noreen, Joyee ... a great apology and thank you !!! Cause i've been missing class and i know.. one way or another our group work's been affected... so once again.. i'm really sorry.

I've been down with this ridiculously bad case of gastric.. and i've seen 3 doctors up to date about it...my general practicioner told me to get some stupid hospital referral letter so that they knew about my case prior to hospital admission. So the 3rd time when i went to the polyclinic to get the letter.. the doctor there said i didn't need it. I thought so... so anyway.. it was a great deal of relief seeing that i didn't need to be admitted...so here i am... resting at home.. and having porridge again.
Oh yes. Porridge. I've been having that on and off for about a week now... lets see.... fish porridge(2times), pork porridge, chicken porridge(4times) otherwise... it's Tau huey (almost everyday...) -.- oh gosh.. i feel like a baby.

i guess everytime something likethat happens... you get to learn who your true friends really are. =) Thank god for them, and God bless them.

This January has been a depressing month for me...

I mean...i think i'm fairly happy go lucky...going to school feeling good cause i like my class.. i think that really helps alot.. keeps you looking forward to school.. but i feel that there have been some people who have been really getting on my nerves.
Sitting on the side panel and merely judging... i've been watching a whole lot of bitching and backbiting going on. What happened to the love then.. ?
I won't say i'm a pro at being grateful to people.. but at least i don't snap at the people around them just because i'm mad at them over one incident. C'mon,live and let live. There's been this great shuffle in cliques and i guess some people really aren't happy with it. I mean.. someone's bound to get hurt along the way... maybe we shouldn't add insult to injury. It's kinda funny how in good times, you see everyone huddled together laughing... but in bad times... you see two or three people here and there... and you simply carry on with life.being apathetic isn't going to help matters. sheesh.Try thinking and acting like grown ups will you.. ? Another point i noted... was how some people forget others in the heat of the moment and trample all over their egos...

Look. There are times when i feel like trash; i wake up and i cry and cry; i cry myself to sleep, i cut myself and then i go to school looking ok.You may say, that's delusional.But I say, that's braver than going to school and acting like an idiot.

Is it really necessary to remain enemies for life over one incident.. ? Was there nothing that the person did in the past that could have been said to redeem himself/herself..? Think about it. JC lasts for 2 years at best.Do you want to leave school with more friends, or more enemies..?

Omg. bottled feelings feel better after being let out.

Anyway... my special HIM gave me a ring for my b'day present. It's really pretty and sweet.. He's the kind that doesn't mind going shopping with me and my mum.. so he ends up being abused and bullied into carrying all the stuff. He's been looking after me the past week or so cause i'm been so down and out that he's the on making sure i remember to eat my medicine.. he forgot to remind me last night and i forgot to take it. duh. He's the one making sure i've had my dinner. If not he'd buy dinner back for me... and he's even had to put up with my nonsense... i think the medicine made me kinda depressed for awhile.. so i just kept crying and didn't want anything.. i cried for about 5 hours.. and to think he still put up with that. That's a whole lot of patience we're talking about,,,anyway. i simply adore him. Lol.

haha.I received a good deal of money cause relatives didn't know what to buy me for my birthday. I guess it's better that way.. cause i haven't even spent 1/4 of it... Lol. I went shopping for ALL the stuff i wanted and it turns out that my friends don't know what to get for me anymore.

Sk and Ili got me a pair of pretty slippers...
Jian Qiang and Kun Tat got me an anklet from Moshi Moshi...
Azri got me a shoebag...
I got myself Maybelline Mascara...
My mummy signed me up for facial on the 27th...
Thanks !!!

Oooohhh.. i can't wait... to get well first... then i can celebrate my 18th birthday looking good. =) Too bad daddy is working in M'sia and can't make it back to celebrate it with me...

I think this year's little wishlist would be:
1. to do well for A's
2. spend more time with family
3. hangout with BPian buddies
4. hangout with class people
5. save up an entire Voda Voda [1.5L ] water bottle with coins
6. Spend more time with HIM
and...
7. maybe reveal HIS name at the end of A's. =P

Wish me luck..!!As to whether or not i manage to conquer my wishlist... life goes on.[As Quoted by Gerald Chew...06A02.] =)Love my family,love my dog, love my class, love my friends, love the school, love the council.Love everything.Oooh. AND. Love HIM too. hehs. All the best for common test J2s...!!!

          To all my closeest buddies... ...
                                                         When i was happy, you were there.
                                                         When i was sad, you were still there.
                                                         When i closed my eyes, you were there.
                                                         When i woke up, you were still there.
                                                         You were there when i needed you most.
                                                         Please let me be there for you now.

               My favourite line of the day:"Boyfriend, do you love me...?" - sArAh -
                                                     you know what..? i Love you too. on my 18th birthday,=)

My long overdue post.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 15:12:14 GMT

Okay. This post, i waaaay overdue.
it's actually about my PW group that i so wanted to post about and i actually intended to do so after Project Work Oral Presentation which is effectively from tmr, 20 days ago...Now that's what you call INefficient...

Anyway... Thanks to PJ021 , with Ashley, Azri ,Melody and Redzuan , i'd never have been able to get any work done... seriously... you guys were wonderful to work with... i've been telling people who talk to me about Project Work about how WONDERFUL you people have been. You've made project work a whole lot easier to deal with..!!!

Ashley - you started off really shy and quiet.. i swear at the first few meetings.. i was completely worried about how I could possibly get you to ever speak up, much less voice out your views in the group.. I was worried that you'd have been overpowered by the noiser few in the group... [mainly the noiser few refering to ME. eh... but it's not my fault..!! i'm leader...!! If i don't speak, who else will...!?] Well... It's good to see how you've evolved from this quiet person to this... crazy FAN stealing monster... haha... someone as crazy as me and even has this unique fettish for erm.FANS. =) i wonder why.... loved ever single bit of working with you...especially knowing that i could count on you to work with melody to produce ridiculously tight scheduled powerpoint slides for the random courses we attended...

Melody - my wonderful and almost pitiful secretary.. sometimes i pity you having to be my secretary cause i'm really forgetful and that puts even greater pressure on you to have to jot down everything i say before it evaporates... =) Worse still... given our crappiness during meetings... you usually have to seive through a hundred sentences of nonsense to get to the one and only enlightening line...Bravo on that sweetie...It's also amazing how you have this ability to seive out all the newspaper art related articles... it's just.. amazing. [It's like... you suddenly produced 6 articles at one meeting and i was, stunned, dumbfounded. whatever you call it. =) ]Moreover, you together with Azri provided me with the silent support that i constantly relied on throughout the year... thanks..!! =)

Azri - you were supposed to be my secretary but..... i think i forgot i even appointed you secretary.. Lol. Oops. Anyway... you've proven your greatest potential at helping us rush out the written report and the methodology ...and many other type written stuff... i remember how i made you stay up way past midnight just so that i could have some help with vetting my work... and you gladly helped me out with checking though my stuff as well.... You provided alot of up to date information and especially when it came to a few nights before our Oral Presentation.. you even took the trouble to get everything all edited and updated so that we could prove how consistent we are in our research...I also believe that you were one of the few really hardworking ones who actually put in effort to rehearse your script about 50 times... and even took time to memorise it way before i requested it.. Thanks for being so willing to go the extra mile cause our group definitely wouldn't be up to that standard without your consistent nagging and meticulous checking... Oh yes... and Thanks for also reminding me to say alot of stuff... cause i'm so used to saying alot of stuff.. that i simply forget everything the next day.. especially if i don't jot it down.. so.. basically...thanks for being my human PDA !! =) haha. [p.s watch less DOA ads, it's bad for you.. Lols.]

Redzuan - as for you... i'm still waiting for my french fries...!! aiyoh... you arh.... you're almost as blur as me... but probably more efficient and...hardworking.. seriously... although you're very much the joker...it's brilliant how you can contribute so much ideas to the group during meetings ... Oh ya... and... i know sometimes.. i'm kinda harsh on you.. ? But it's really cause i know you can do well.. and i really want you to exercise your full potential... =) haha... i'm so worried that you'd get distracted during meetings...!! aiyoh.. But seriously... You've shown yourself to be a great team player especially during the filming of the short clip... You've been a wonderful SON.. and..even though.. i'm a lousy mother when it comes to dress-up and even if you're alot taller than me... haha..i'm sure we all had a great time... I'm really sorry to have made you wait almost 2 hrs just to film that 30 sec clip ..especially since it was my fault that the programme couldn't register that particular clip.. so thanks for your patience...

All In all.... I'm just glad that our group got the best blend of people.. We worked hard, we played hard. I'm sure. [ *cough* swensens *cough*].. well... I just hope that we'll still keep in touch after all this.. and maybe go for another lunch or so...!! Good Luck and God Bless my wonderful PW mates. I really love you peeps to bits..!! =)

                                                                         lotsa love,
                                                                                          your adoring group leader..
                                                                                                                                       - sArAh -

[P.S Ash.. I'll try and remember your fan when i go to Malacca this holiday.. =) Azri.. remind me. =)]

Just a side note, I love the new pair of earrings that HE just bought for me today [271106].. Thanks sweetie...

My quick update on life...before i fall sick.again.

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 14:41:02 GMT

Okay. i'm sick again.Flu,cough,cold... * whines.. whilst nursing a papercut..*
like.. "Hey..! what's new right.. ?"

Seriously..today we had our T1 class outing at East Coast Park - Jerome, Sidney , Nazrul, Kenneth , Lewei, Boon Piao, Jason, Patrick, Ma Yin, Yi Yong, Hui Xian, Jellyn, Shin Yen , Pingasari , Eun Kyung , and my special HIM was there. Lol.

We were supposed to meet at 9 am ,then when i reached there at 9 sharp , there was no one in sight..!!! then later, i ran into Kenneth , then Nazrul and Jason. Le Wei, Yi Yong and Jerome came later...leaving me to realise that i would be the only girl to meet them there at 9 am. We left CCK at 9.45 and couldn't even decide which train line to take to meet Hui Xian at City Hall interchange. They agreed to follow my directions to East Coast Park... and... AGAIN , I got lost in Suntec City. [Wah liao... they really should put up clearer signs to the overhead bridge lor...!!!] Anyway... we were supposed to get down to East Coast Park before Mr Loh did cause we wanted to surprise him.... cause we told him that we were reaching SOON , when we were in fact like... 1 hr away. Oh well. the surprise was on us, he didn't turn up eventually.

Oh ya... and guess what..! Birthday Boy Jia Hao, didn't turn up. Lol. so i brought his present all the way down to ECP for nothing... tsk tsk. Jia Hao, If you're reading this... you're so dead if you don't use your present okay...!!! Effort points for carrying it around with me even if it's not your favourite colour... Oh well... Happy Birthday to the birthday boy once again... !!! *cheers*

Hmm.. where was I.. ? ya... so the guys went there and did what they did best....!!! They played SOCCER...!!! =) whilst me and Hui Xian slacked until Ping joined us and we started singing... I called HIM and asked him if he wanted to join us.. and so HE came down.. haha...

He ended up blading and helping me buy water... as for Patrick... This blurblock as usual... can memorise textbooks and whatever notes... but doesn't know how to take a bus from Gleneagles Hospital to East Coast Park. Ask him to take until Doby Ghaut Mrt station.. and
                                Mr Blur King asked me... "how do i know where's that.. ?"
                                 So i said... "look out for plaza sing..!! "
                                                    Silence.
I swear he was going to ask me what that was... =) haha....     damn funny.... i actually even asked him to get me marshmallows and a bottle of water... but considering he'd get lost... i told him to scrap it. and get it for me from ECP. Lols.   Anyway. Thanks Patrick... i swear you're gonna kill me for calling you blur block or blur king... Lols...but i still think it stands.. haha. [you can't kill me anyway.. i know too much... and besides.. you made me a promise.. Lols.]

Oh well.. after hanging at East Coast Park... we went to Plaza Sing for dinner at the foodcourt.... the bus jornery there was HILARIOUS. especially poor Le wei who ws constantly getting teased about Shin Yen and Nazrul was relentlessly jacking him about his MSN nick. Poor Guy. damn funny though...especially the part about... "Push[ing] all the way..." and the "banana split..." ... that seriously made us laugh till we all had stomach cramps...

We also called Jia Hao on Patrick's phone to sing him a birthday song on the bus..omg. we sure caught the attention of the entire bus... it was... wacky.

HE later walked me back to the lift and left... then... my doorbell rang... because i left a bottle with him...my memory is getting from bad to worse... haha...!! oh well.... so much for my crazy day...

Got another long day ahead... will be back soon.. hopefully to fill you in on my attachments at the Legal Aid Bereau.=) cheers ppl.

- sArAh - mixed up feelings of happy and sad.simple as that.

one quarter guilt + three quarters pleasure = a good mix of ecstacy

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:30:48 GMT

Hmm... I think i really really really haven't blogged in ages... I'm terribly sorry..

Bet all the frequent blog surfers must be wondering... what's up with this blog....
i must admit that after the i told HIM incident.. i really felt that dumping this blog for good.. but.. i straightened out my thinking.... concentrated on promos... and got on with life..

Basically.... i did okay for Promos... i mean... i didn't get an A or anything... but i guess and averages of Bs and Cs and one D wasn't too bad after all... i could come to terms with that... considering.. i didn't really study much... [Oops... did i really say that.. ?? i'm sorry... XD ] tsk tsk. i carefully bet that if any teachers are reading this... i'm gonna get nagged at next year. To study harder. That is. =)

Well... quick updates on my life...I've came back from 2 great holidays... =)
One was a cruise.... and the other was a trip to Bali. - which one was more fun.. ? I'd safely say. The Cruise... that would also be largely due to the fact that you get to travel in style.
Oh. And not to forget.. It's also because i bought Sherbet - this pink teddy bear.. the brand.TY.. ?? Oh nevermind.. Only the stuffed toy crazy nuts like me would know. =) We had lotsa food to eat on the cruise... i smuggled myself into a casino... hmm.. got chased out though...other than that... it was basically just living the life of the "rich" . Hah. =) seriously... it was plain fun. cause everywhere was Air cond. XD [Ooh. you know how it is with Little Miss Polar Bear.] Except when we went snorkelling.. with Black Tip Sharks. =) cool mann. =) my dad saw a Morray Eel though. damn. i missed it.=)

Bali on the other hand was ... horrendous. i went there with a food poisoning to start with...didn't get to do much shopping... and..was kinda sick throughout.. when you're sick.. it's hard to enjoy yourself... especially when the food and entertainment sucks. the lodging was something to talk about though... The scenery was something else to marvel at.. and their way of life... absolutely refreshing.. the weather there was also crappy... it was worse than in Singapore.. but surprisingly... at the time we went... There was NO HAZE at all. =)

Other than my holidays...
another fairly interesting thing that's happened to me so far.. would be my boyfriend. =) heh.
Well... i won't leave names on the blog cause i don't need to answer more than i can handle.. but all those who know the two of us.. will probably know by now. =)
Funny how my entire family knows already... and it's scary how my grandma was planning my future. in advance. My marriage, my kids.. my future. -.- my sister wants to be my bridesmaid. sheesh.
I'm not gonna get married anytime soon. Lol. Not in the Next 10 years at least. so too. bad. =) haha

Well... He's a really nice guy. - very sweet, patient and considerate... To be honest.. i feel really bad making him wait outside my house for me today... he waited for a good one and a half hours... Sorry sweetie. =) Hmm.. my mum thinks we're like glue and gum or something.. so she plans ahead for seeing him everyday... haha. she even predicted that he'd see me down to Victoria Concert Hall tomorrow just so he can have dinner with me... guess what.. ? She's right. Lol. For the record... ? He also claims he's innocent... but... hmm.. that's not something i'm really sure of... [tsk tsk.] As I'm typing this... the roses he gave me are still sitting in my fridge.. haha... just so you know... i prefer pink lilies better though. =) Haha.. but i guess i'll settle for roses.. just because it came from him. XD more about him some other time.

My dad just got back from India and he isn't done with complaining about the food there... and my sister's now at some camp... it seems we're not gonna have a family dinner anytime soon... oh well...

i've got a number of events lined up for me til the end of this month.. looks like i'm gonna be really busy...

15th Nov - Play at Victoria Concert Hall - 7.45 pm + council chalet
16th Nov - Metro -SiF - Paragon - 3pm to 8 pm + dinner with Him and Mummy. + council chalet
17th Nov - Council chalet - Downtown East [Don't think i can make it though...]
18th Nov -
19th Nov -
20th Nov -
21st Nov - Literature Tour - School - 8 am - 2pm [yikes...!! ]
22nd Nov - Lee Kah Shing's Birthday
23rd Nov -
24th Nov -
25th Nov - 4T1 Class Outing - East Coast Park - 10am + Chan Jia Hao's Birthday. + Science center duty..
26th Nov - Sherbet's Birthday
27th Nov - Work Shadowing -Legal Aid Bureau - 8 am - 5pm
28th Nov - Work Shadowing - Legal Aid Bureau - 8am - 5pm
29th Nov - Work shadowing - Legal Aid Bureau - 8am - 5pm
30th Nov - Grad Nite duty - Swissotel

For now.. that's about all i can think of... at the moment.. i guess.. the empty slots are the only days i have left for myself.. =) haha... too bad la.... that's my sadddd life. =) haha. Or Not So SAD life =)
Just a short note to some close friends..Patrick and Azri... cheer up guys.. =) Really hope that my friends around me don't forget that they can always approach me if they need a ear.. XD lotsa love to go around. yepps...
Oh well.. It's late.. more on my life.. another time. =D cheers readers. =)

                                                    - sArAh - found a piece of you..in my heart.
                                                                                            i wonder how it got there..
                                                                                                        but for now.. that's where it's gonna stay.=)
                                                                                                                                                                  141106.

- i told him. - my weaning period begins. -

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 14:11:49 GMT

i finally found just enough courage to tell him.
but just as soon as i did, i felt better. But part of me is curious to know if i made a big mistake.

i feel so stupid. lol. for calling him stupid. =) but... in any case. the entire male race is not going to stop being condemned just because he knows.

so. now that he knows, i feel better and i'm going to move on to another chapter in my life.

That chapter would be my promos. gosh.i better start studying.hard. pronto.

- sArAh - learning to let go. better to have loved and lost than not having loved at all.

Dreams.

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 16:25:40 GMT

I signed out of school today - to be exact, i was on mc - after my econs test.

Feeling very sick and breathless, i just lay in bed and did some thinking.
Thinking of him to be specific. Thinking of school work,council.. and promos.
Most of all, thinking of him.

I asked myself, why the sudden drift.. things were working out fine between the two of us.. and i was pretty sure awhile back that he was quite a nice guy. I'm not sure if it was something I said, or did. But nonetheless, whatever has been said, has been said... i'm not going to pretend to something i'm not... but i really really couldn't get the sight of him smiling out of my head. [Maybe that's what's causing the migraine. Joking. XD] But seriously, i miss the attention and the affection shown, be it as a friend or not. My long breaks are made longer at the realisation that this month's phone bill would exceed, not because he messaged me. But because he didn't. So i turned away from using my phone - hence my inefficiency in dealing with any messages. - I buried my handphone under the pillow so that i would forget about it. [i guess that's how i was dealing with it.]

But it bites me to know. that he simply, just, doesn't. care. And pride, doesn't want me to approach him either. But i think it's not a big deal - Yet.

My phone bill is grossly going to exceed because of 5 relays a day, to two different people. Oh my gosh.

But i think the point here is that i haven't gotten over him, i miss him, i miss talking to him and i miss laughing with him. Basically i miss him. badly. - This special dream, would be to have him hold me. And to Cherish me. that would suffice. This person once called me an angel. That, meant more than anything else could in the world to me.

- sArAh - Dreams - i was sick, but continued smiling in my dreams, because you were in it.